Dating practices among young adults in the U.S.

My grandmother once told me the story of how she met my grandfather. She recounted seeing him frequently at neighborhood gatherings. They made it apparent that they were fond of each other. After months of my grandfather trying to gain her attention, she finally gave him a chance but there was a catch. My grandfather had to build a relationship and convince her mother that he was worthy of dating my grandmother. He was eventually granted permission to date my grandmother. They went on dates to restaurants, spent a lot of quality time together, and refrained from sexual intercourse. After a year of serious dating, they decided to get married and have been together since. We were provided the idea of how dating would be from past generations, however current dating as a young adult is much different. Dating practices among young adults in the United States have changed due to the hookup culture, the rise in social media use as a dating tool, and the decline in serious long term relationships.

To define young adults, they are teenagers exiting high school and college scholars between ages 18-22. Young adults are relevant due to being the one of the most controversial period within human life as they are on a journey of independence away from their parents. Hookup culture plays a role within a young adults life more prevalent today than past generations. Hookup culture can be defined as ” a casual sexual or romantic encounter without explicit commitment or exclusivity.”(Cohen, 235) Hookup culture insinuates “temporary” as it defies the law of sexual or romantic encounters out of commitment or being exclusive to one partner. A staggering statistic about hooking up is ” a survey of Ohio students in grades 7 to 11 found that 31 percent reported having a sexual intercourse with someone they did not consider a “boyfriend”, “girlfriend,” or someone they were “dating or going out with” (Cohen, 235). Things have changed since past generations due to the amalgam of  reasons such as less people seeing the need of a relationship , the introduction of social media makes it easy to communicate with many different people at a time, also premarital sex has been found more socially acceptable in society.

In comparison to past generations the focus of marriage was much more prevalent within teens , as cohabitation has increased throughout the years the need for marriage has decreased leading to more temporary relationships with less commitment. This is sociologically significant in dating because hookup culture causes  “…conflict known as the Madonna whore dichotomy, where women face challenges in being viewed as both a sexually expressive being and a maternal committed being, and at the same time their romantic or sexual partners face challenges with categorizing women as one or the other. Presumably, these same conflicting discourse messages can make it difficult for individuals to psychologically navigate hookups, including sexual decision-making” (Garcia, 2012, pg. 167). These factors change dating because they provide people with similar interest such as sex to come together to fulfill that need without commitment and exclusivity as once before. Thus, leading to the next factor of “Dating practices among young adults in the U.S.”.

Friends with benefits relationships (FWBRs) can be “…described as relationships between friends that include an emotional component and involve sexual activity, but lack a long-term, romantic commitment” (Letcher, & Carmona, 2015, pg. 522). People engage in FWBRs due to not having to deal with the hardships of relationships such as heartbreak, arguments, jealousy , and etc. Also people engage in FWBRs due to thinking that they are more safe having sexual intercourse with a friend than with a stranger, make FWBRs more appealing to young adults who don’t have time or energy to engage in strenuous stressful activity. A statistic that shows the engagement of FWBRs “42–60 % of college students engage in FWBR” (Letcher, & Carmona, 2015, pg. 522). To explain why Friends with benefits relationships have become so prevalent in young people of our generation is to describe negative emotions towards relationships and commitment to them. As one may find it easier to engage in sexual intercourse with a friend rather than going through the motions of dating and finding a suitable partner. It impacts dating by creating unfulfilling relationships that leave both partners wanting more , or not being on the same page resulting in one getting their feelings hurt. Also the lack of long term relationship commitment decreases resulting in fewer marriages and more single/cohabiting relationships. Seemingly bridging the gap between Friends with benefits relationships in young adults to Social media as it provides a platform for it all to take place on.

To define social media,  websites and applications that allow users to create and share content on a social network. Examples of social media entails Facebook, Direct message , Face time, Tinder, dating sites , Instagram, etc. The use of media has changed relationships completely, “new media technologies allow young people to ‘proceed in a way that might feel less vulnerable than face-to-face communication'” (Meenagh, 2015, pg. 459). The ease of use of these devices provide comfort in which we confide in and put our trust into, without the awkward advances and communication of face to face communication.Through the use of social media young adults communicate their sexual relationships through these applications and websites that allow them to sext. The following quotation expresses the advantages of media use in dating, “By carefully crafting their messages, young people can ease their way into a flirtatious exchange and avoid the embarrassment of rejection if their flirtations are not received favorably” (Meenagh, 2015, pg. 460).

Sexting, although there is no one definition, “can include nude or semi-nude still images or video captured of oneself, or of oneself and a sexual partner, ‘sexually suggestive messages’ including written texts sent via mobile or smart phone device,or through emails or instant messages in online chat programs” (Burkett, 2015, pg. 836). A staggering sexting statistic found was “80% of teens who have sexted are under the age of 18 (Cox Communications) Over half (57%) of teens from a 2012 survey reported that they had been asked to send a sext (JAMA) 12% of teen girls feel pressured to sext” (The National Campaign). Although there are a lot of complications that may along with sexting, it has served beneficial in some long distance relationships, “I met a boyfriend on Facebook and he lived in the Eastern States and used to travel backwards and forwards so we had like the whole sexting thing because because it sort of makes you feel like you’re not that far apart” (Burkett, 2015, pg. 854). Sexting within young adults is prevalent due to social media , in comparison our past generations didn’t have the technology so they relied on face to face communications. Resulting in the decline of long term dating as it provides less need for in person interaction as to more social interaction.

Serious dating and long term monogamous relationships have been on the decline in young adults. It may be due to the idea that these type of relationships often lead to marriage, which is something that is no longer desirable among this age group. “In the 1950s  the average American woman got married at age 20 and the average man at age 23. In 2011, those ages were 27 and 29. (Cohen, 263)One reason for the decline or delay in serious long term relationships is the rise in equality between the sexes, “marriage is no longer the only ticket to economic security and prosperity for women today, and the need to find a partner may be less urgent or critical for today’s generation of young adult women,compared with earlier generations” (Lixia, & Soriano, 2004, pg. 44).

People tend to reject and put off the idea of long term relationships such as marriage due to people not feeling the need to be married anymore. The issues that people face with marriage is divorce and as the divorce rates rise, less people want to marry. The forces of marriage on young adults may be to problematic as they are going through an important stage of mental development of adulthood which could result in extra five or six years of delay towards marriage.Cohen describes this phenomena well she states “During that time, young adults tend to complete their education and embark on their careers: many also become unmarried parents and live in cohabiting relationships. Thus, marriage arrives later in the sequence of major life events.” (Cohen, 263). A personal stigma or experience I have encountered with marriage and being monogamous is the idea of relative age , by being young one doesn’t want to be “tied down” and “enjoy the fruits of life” while your young. For example in college many people do not recommend being in a long term relationship but to have multiple partners to learn about ones self. I believe that men and women want to be married but at an age where their success is applicable to their marriage and after they have attained such status they would want to settle down. This impacts dating as their is less frequent long term relationship partners and more short term “temporary partners” in which we cycle through until we are ready to settle down.

In Conclusion Dating practices among young adults in the U.S. have changed from our previous generations. They have changed due to hookup culture which satisfy the need of our urges without commitment and exclusivity.  Dating has changed due to Friend with benefits relationships as they provide meaning to not have the issues that come along with relationships but have sexual intercourse with a friend in which they feel comfortable around. Another reason dating has changed is due to the decline in marriage as men and women have become more equal as in the past it granted  women economic security and prosperity.

What role do you think social media plays in long term relationships, if it plays a role at all?

Do you think young men and women still want to get married?

What are some reasons young adults engage in hookup culture or FWBRs?

References:

Lixia, Q., & Soriano, G. (2004). Forming couple relationships. Family Matters, (68), 43-49.

Garcia, J. R., Reiber, C., Massey, S. G., & Merriwether, A. M. (2012). Sexual Hookup Culture: A Review. Review Of General Psychology: Journal Of Division 1, Of The American Psychological Association, 16(2), 161-176.

Letcher, A., & Carmona, J. (2015). Friends with benefits: dating practices of rural high school and college students. Journal Of Community Health, 40(3), 522-529. doi:10.1007/s10900-014-9966-z

Meenagh, J. (2015). Flirting, dating, and breaking up within new media environments. Sex Education, 15(5), 458-471.

Burkett, M. (2015). Sex(t) Talk: A Qualitative Analysis of Young Adults’ Negotiations of the Pleasures and Perils of Sexting. Sexuality & Culture, 19(4), 835-863. doi:10.1007/s12119-015-9295-0

Cohen, P. N. (2015). The family: diversity, inequality, and social change. New York: W.W. Norton & Company. 228-255.